So accepting change, whether it is good or bad, is hard. I had wished for something, prayed for something so hard and for so long. When I was finally capable and successful at making it happen, my mind
sometimes struggled to accept it. I rejoice most of the time because I was able to finally accomplish a huge goal of mine. I am finally healthy, I feel great, I have more energy, and life is really good. At the same time, it is almost like my mind plays tricks
on me sometimes. Telling me that I am not actually where I want to be; that I am actually wearing a costume and am impressively convincing myself and everyone around me because I am really back where I started.
I know this sounds so silly, but our brains do weird things. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of myself for this change and I am such a happier and more outgoing person because I found something that works for me, but sometimes our inner demons still come out. Sometimes I glance at the mirror and still see myself before I made this change or I hide from the camera because it is just habit and my mind, again, goes back to before.
I guess my point in explaining this is simply that I need to accept myself, regardless of where I am. I guess I have always known this, but things change and we are never going to be happy if there is only one situation in which happiness can happen. I think goals are good. Goals are essential. But if we think of our goals as a destination, then once we hit them, we may feel like, “well what’s next?” If we feel we are done then our goals could start to fade away because we stop working at it. Instead, if we can treat our goals as a journey and enjoy ourselves and our lives along the way, that is the only way to continually be happy with where we are.
I know I have so much growing and learning to do in my lifetime still and I plan on continuing to set goals and reaching for those goals. But if I approach them from the angle of loving myself now, where I am today, but knowing that I am capable of more, then I get to actually enjoy the journey. I am done with the, “I will love myself when…” or “I will accept myself when…” Change happens everyday, for good or bad, and I need to be willing to accept it and work with it. There will always be something we want to improve or change, so if we don’t love ourselves today for where we are now, we never will.